In other news, as if politics and television weren't already so mixed up...

Today, in response to widespread voter dissatisfaction, the Democratic National Committee announced that they were spinning off three new political parties:

the UPN which stands for Unelectable Pols Nattering, led by Al Gore;

Hillary Clinton's all female Fox party; and

Jesse Jackson's Wholly Black, the WB.

These new parties will try to wrest market share from the established political networks:

George W. Bush's CBS, which stands for the Caucasian Boys' Sweatlodge;

Donald Rumsfeld's ABC, which stands for America's Bloodiest Combat; and

Tom Ridge's NBC, Nothing But Crap.

Here then is the projected primetime programming lineup for Super Tuesday:

8pm

George Bush's CBS - Continuing War Coverage
Donald Rumsfeld's ABC - War Highlights
Tom Ridge's NBC - This Old Whitehouse - 101 Uses for Duct Tape
UPN - Quantum Leap (rerun) - Gary Hart tries to outrun his past
Fox - Women's Wrestling -- Carol Mosely Braun and Anne Coulter in Girl on Girl Action
WB - Professor Do-Little 2003 starring Jesse Jackson

9pm

CBS - I'm a Celebrity, Get me Elected - with guest star Arnold Schwarzenegger
ABC - 24 -- There's so much war in 24
NBC -- Survivor -- Contestants stand on one foot, eat bugs, and make voting booths out of duct tape
UPN -- Joe Millionaire - Joe Lieberman tries to get one date or 270 electoral votes
Fox - American Idol - Barbara Mikulski sings the standards; John Cougar Mellencamp joins her for a chorus of What are We Fighting For
WB - Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Buffy runs screaming from Al Sharpton's hairdo

10pm

CBS - Continuing War Coverage
ABC - War Outtakes and Bloopers
NBC -- Fear Factor - Six finalists must survive a dirty bomb using only duct tape
UPN - Smallville - The House of Representatives
Fox - That 70's Show - The Carter Years
WB - WWF Smackdown - Charlie Rangel takes on the Defense Budget using only Duct Tape

Back to home page