First there was botox. Botulism toxin. Botulism is the reason if the can of kumquats bulges, you don't buy it. Botulism is a relatively quick, painful killer. Think Robert Blake. But if you inject botox in your forehead, you quit having wrinkles, frown lines or any thoughtful facial expressions. Think Keanu Reeves. Think Charlie Sheen. Botox. Bad stuff? Not any more.

Then there was drinking. Causes liver failure. Slow painful death. AA meetings. Terrible stuff. Think Robert Downey Jr. But if you have a drink every day - a good stiff drink - you live longer. Fewer heart attacks. Think Martin Sheen. Alcohol. Bad stuff? I've got to differ with you there.

So now I read in the paper that researchers are thinking that anthrax may be useful in curing some forms of cancer. Anthrax. The only thing a postal work is afraid of. Killing cancer cells. Bad stuff? Not really.

Isn't this a really dangerous trend? What's next? Cigarettes as a cure for baldness? Asbestos educational toys? Shit as a diet aid?

Me? I like to know where I stand with stuff. I don't believe in rehabilitation. Except for Wynona Rider. Let's keep things simple. Nazis? Bad. I don't care how much they love Chopin. Cannibalism? Bad. Don't package it as zero population growth.

I don't want to see good things happen to bad products. I just want to eat shit and watch those pounds melt away.

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